Picture of a judge's wigThe Judge RANTS!Picture of a judge's wig

Date: 13/11/06

Bungtime For Bonzo

I've just walked along the stretch of pavement ('sidewalk' for our US reader) which runs along the opposite side of the road to my house.

In the space of scarcely seventy metres I found ten, yes, ten piles of dogshit.

OK. I'm not a dog person. Some dogs are OK: my friend Alex had a dog which used to bark like mad when I knocked on the door, then disappear into the living room, only to return carrying a sofa cushion in his mouth. "Sit down and take your ease, friend", was the clear message there.

Other dogs are not so charming. This includes the group of hyperactive, neurotic Dachshunds kept by the woman who lives in the house behind mine. I'm sick of being perpetually yapped and yipped at by three disturbed novelty draught-excluders every time I open the back door.

But, well-disposed to pooches or not, it surely can't be unreasonable to object in the strongest terms to having to dodge dog-dumps on what is supposed to be a footpath?

Especially as we're not talking just about the curs who run free. Time after time, I see one of these surrogate children on the end of a lead, sad human in tow, stopping and making a deposit on the pavement, while their proud (or, alternatively, resigned) 'owner' stands by and lets them...and then walks away, leaving it there!

There are notices affixed to the lamp-posts hereabouts, warning of a fine for all those who let their hounds crap on the pavement. They might as well be written in Cat for all the difference it makes to either party.

I have a grass verge by my gate which suffers similar depredations. One or two 'owners' I am sure bring their animals down here just for the purposes of placing little surprises in the greenery. Short of electrification, I can't find any way of stopping this.

So then, whelp fans, it's time to shove a bung up Bonzo's bum...before someone shoves a bung up yours.